


Bake Sale For Moloch's Demon Apocalypse

by LestatDeSade



Category: Sleepy Hollow (TV)
Genre: Bake Sales, Gen, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-24
Updated: 2014-10-24
Packaged: 2018-02-22 10:00:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2503763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LestatDeSade/pseuds/LestatDeSade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Moloch's minions decide to hold a bake sale to fund raise for Moloch's uprising. Abbie and Crane are determined to put a stop to it, or in the very least, beat them at their own game.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bake Sale For Moloch's Demon Apocalypse

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Sleepy Hollow fanfic. I actually have been a fan of the show since the first episode but I have never read or written any fic in this fandom before. I got the idea from the “Bake Off” scene with Katrina and Abraham. So here I go. Let's try not to take this fanfic too seriously, ok?

It was a sunny afternoon in the small upstate new york town of Sleepy Hollow. It was late October, the air was crisp, and Moloch's acolytes were selling baked god in front of the local church. Katrina Crane, Henry Parish, Andy Brooks, and a mirror propped up on a chair were seated in front of two plastic folding card tables. The tables were covered with a festive plastic halloween table cover. There was a letter garland that spelled out 'Bake Sale for Moloch's Uprising' in neat, black and orange text. Rows of plastic containers holding cookies, cakes, brownies and other confections were set out on the table They were decorated with typical halloween colored ribbons tied around them. It was cute and almost endearing. It was clearly a lot of effort put forth by Katrina. Abigail Mills pulled her car over and parked on the opposite side of the street to look at it. Ichabod Crane looked over at the sight. Both of them were suspicious and well, deeply concerned.

“What are they doing Crane?” Abbie asked.  
  
“It appears... they're having a bake sale. For Moloch's apocalypse.”

“Well, that's a new one,” Abbie muttered. There was just no way that this was legit. The harbingers of the apocalypse don't show up in a sleepy upstate new york town to peddle cupcakes and brownies.

“It's obviously a front for something insidious,” Ichabod said back.

“I'll check it out, you stay here,” Abbie said. She got out of the car. Crane moved forward to watch her from the drivers seat as Abbie casually approached them.

“So, uh, what are you doing here?” Abbie asked casually.  
  
“We're holding a bake sale,” Andy said. His tone was matter of fact, as though there was nothing bizarre about this situation. People walked by the odd crew of people. One was a police officer with blackened demon eyes and a blood stained uniform, a redheaded witch in black, a mirror propped up in a chair, and an older gentleman in a suit. They were an odd team. Then again, it was a week until Halloween in the town of Sleepy Hollow. The townspeople probably just thought they were cosplay geeks who put in way too much time and money into their hobby. Abbie knew better.

A bake sale? You expect me to buy that? What did you do, stock up these cake with magic demon potion to control peoples minds?”  
  
“No, actually, it's just normal baking. We're holding a fundraiser. You see, magic costs money, well not magic itself, but herbs, bottles, and we're always breaking mirrors around here with Moloch's summoning spells,” Katrina explained, “It doesn't pay much to work for Moloch on this front, so we've decided to hold a bake sale fundraiser for his demonic uprising.”

“Don't forget the artifacts, those cost a fortune to get a hold of,” Henry added in.  
  
“You're holding a bake sale for the apocalypse?” Abbie asked.

“Yes, and it's been a very successful one, I might add,” Henry said.

“I can not believe this,” Abbie said. She ran her fingers through her hair, and looked down at the display. They looked better than legit, they looked, pardon the irony, heavenly. Clearly they had some serious culinary lessons down in purgatory, because all of these looked delicious.

“I'd like to purchase a slice of cheese cake, some carrot cake, a couple of snicker doodles and uh, some brownies,” Abbie said. She picked a good selection, you know, just in case only some of they were poisoned. Henry smiled at her. Katrina looked at her incredulously, and the mirror in which Moloch was summoned stayed blank as ever. Clearly he was on some kind of demonic overlord coffee break.

“If I feel any kind of woozy demon spell, I'm coming back and kicking all your asses,” Abbie told them. She pointed at them accusingly, especially Katrina. If anyone knew how to fix up some kind of demonic cake, it was probably the untrustworthy, witchy housewife.

“Seven dollars please,” Andy said. Abbie handed him the money. She hated giving it to the opposing side, but research had to be done. She headed back to the car, opening up one of the plastic containers and taking a bite out of a snickerdoodle. She did not feel any different afterwards. 

“They have Katrina's cheesecake. It's going to be tough to beat,” Ichabod said. He was shoveling the cheesecake into his mouth. He hadn't had it in over two hundred years, and it was worth the wait. Sure, she may not have been an honest woman, but Katrina's kitchen witchcraft was top notch.

“Abraham made his carrot cake. We are absolutely creamed if we can't think of something,” Ichabod said. He was fondly remembering the follies of his youth when his best friend would bake carrot cake. Before the horrible misunderstanding, the betrayal, and all the other things that had woefully gone south in his life with them both. It only tasted a little bitter.

“God damn it, these brownies are fantastic,” Jenny said.  
  
“You're right, this going to be hard, but we can do this,” Abbie said. She took a bite out of the snickerdoodle. It was delicious. She was trying to give them a peptalk. After all, what else had they beaten them at? Escaping from purgatory. Beating Ancetif, the sandman, the witch. If they could do those things, how hard could it be to beat them at baking? Come on, this was going to be a piece of cake- literally.  
  
“We don't even know how to bake,” Jenny said.  
  
“We have google,” Ichabod suggested.  
  
“He's right. Jenny, pull up some recipes. Crane and I are heading to the grocery store, when you find something, just text me the ingredients,” Abbie said.

With that, she and Crane left the cozy cabin in the woods for the local 24/7 grocery store. It was already starting to get dark outside. On the way to the market, they drove past Moloch's gang of fellows. Abraham, the horseman of death, had joined them in the nightly hours. The bake sale was illuminated by the lights of the church behind them. People complemented him on his brilliant costume, and how much time he surely must have spent on it. Ichabod rolled his eyes. Nobody ever said that about his clothes. Still, as Abbie parked on the concrete outside the fluorescent lighted building, Ichabod felt all the more reason to pummel his ass at yet another thing.

“Eight dollars for a bag of apples? It really must be the end of times,” Ichabod said. Abbie sighed. Well, he wasn't wrong. It was rather outrageous.

“Just put them in the cart, Crane,” Abbie said.

They had pulled together and done it. Jenny had been searching pinterest high and low for the best fall recipes. They had come up with a killer itinerary sure to smack the pants of any baking demons or their zealous followers. They started off with apple muffins, then moved on to apple cookies, and apple crisp. After that, there were miniature bread puddings with pears and caramel. Jenny made some protein bars with dates, almonds, dehydrated apples, and some whole seeds. Ichabod was dreadfully, dreadfully lost as to what to do, but found himself useful in measuring out quantities of ingredients and watching the oven as Jenny and Abby got to mixing up more batches. They added in some chocolate chip cookies, blueberry scones, and tea cakes to the mass.

“We need a tester,” Jenny said.

“I know just the guy,” Abbie replied.  
  
So they headed over to Tarrytown psychiatric hospital to visit Frank Irving. They had spent a few hours cooking up anything they could think of. So far they have a few muffins, some scones, a couple different kinds of cookies, and some of Jenny's personal protein bars, which she swore, were a lot better tasting then they were looking. Of course, the visited with the false pretenses of visiting Ichabod's childhood friend, who could only say 'hi', but was still an incredibly enthusiastic conversationalist. Who really seemed to like cookies. Everyone won.

“We need your help,” Abbie said.

“With what?” Frank asked.

“Moloch's henchmen,” Abbie said. “They've started a bake sale.”  
  
“You're kidding me,” Frank said.

“Sadly, we are not,” Ichabod aid. Abbie handed Frank her iphone, a picture of the bake sale table was put on it, the smiling faces of Moloch's crew were on it. Frank looked down at it with a scowl.

“We need you taste test some of these,” Abbie said. She handed him a muffin. It was apple with a hint of almond flavoring. Frank looked over his shoulder, and took the muffin.

“Well, it's a lot better than what they're putting out here, a bit dry though,” Frank said between bites of the muffin. He was helping.

The next day, they set up first thing in the morning. Katrina and Henry were already setting up their table. Abbie and Jenny set up their table directly across the street. Ichabod stood there and pensively glared at them. They looked as happy as a crew of demonic ruffians could have looked while setting up a bake sale. Even Moloch made an appearance. Through the mirror, he could be seen flipping off the witnesses with both of his middle claws raised proudly. As with the sale yesterday, not a single towns person began to question these people. Even when Moloch was pictures in the mirror, they thought it was some fancy tablet app. There was no fancy app, there was only witchcraft and deceptively good marketing strategy. For a formidable demon, Moloch really got those cookies selling out fast. Apparently having satan on your side works for a hell of a lot more than causing the downfall of humanity, it also causes remarkably good sales.

Moloch's crew had still outsold them. They were no match for Katrina's baking, or as they discovered, Abraham's baking as well. The fires of hell proved to be incredibly efficient at making baked goods of the finest calibre. Not to mention the sin eater, a gourmand of unique tastes, proved to be the most formidable taste-tester of them all. They had sold a few things, but so far, team Take-Down-Moloch had raised a grand profit of 20$ and half of their table was still full. Team Moloch had sold out of everything an hour ago, leaving Abbie, Jenny and Ichabod sitting at their table alone at night feeling like a bunch of chumps.

“Let's just forget this stupid thing ever happened,” Abbie said.

“Agreed.”

“On the plus side, we will not be running out of cookies any time soon,” Jenny said, and that was something to look forward to.  


End file.
